theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
