I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
