The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
