why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
