Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
