I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
