Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
