A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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