So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
