Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
