So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just invented taco cereal.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
