____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Every concussion has its silver lining
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
