It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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