i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
