how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
