How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
