Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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