Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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