I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
