I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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