dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
