Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i think i have two assholes
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
