im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
