She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Randomize
