I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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