we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
