The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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