I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
