I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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