i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
