I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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