I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
