I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
As shirtless as possible
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize