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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
