I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
