I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
