Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
