I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
