We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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