I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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