just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
