So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
