I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Vodka?
Forever.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
