I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
