Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
