Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize