Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
