"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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