i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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