I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
