Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
