I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
