i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
