just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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