so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
