It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
