apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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