How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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