We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
