I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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