u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
