Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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