Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
