You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
