So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My penis needs a shock collar
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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